A few days ago, Gawker reported that an interesting new book proposal is working its way through the publishing houses. In this abstract, the author describes her novel as a 1,000 year long love story featuring Vince Vaughn through the ages. Yes, Vaughn, star of Four Christmases and Fred Claus and who appears to be taking this Christmas off from disturbing holiday fare, is the object of the dog-walker/yogi/author’s desire.
I’m going to be honest–at first, I thought this was disturbingly strange. Vaughn, although funny at times and a master of the exasperated with the world wisecrack, is not exactly fantasy material, right? I mean, when I think Vince Vaughn, my mind doesn’t normally leap to him in pantaloons sailing the high seas with his pirate crew, wavy Fabio-like locks swirling in the wind. Or to him clad in metal, riding his horse through the moors to rescue the fair princess trapped by the evil lord in the castle ahead. In fact, the combination of Vaughn and period drama doesn’t even cross the corners of my imagination.
But then, I gave it a second thought. All of us have our embarrassing fantasies–normally restricted to dreams–that seem strange to those around us. The floating through the air with an acquaintance from high school you haven’t seen since the day before graduation. The stately mansion you and that Hollywood hunk will live in after he notices you walking down the street, jumps in front of you, and declares his undying love for you despite being linked to supermodels in his past. The revenge dream in which that bastard at work gets what’s coming to him by falling into a big vat of wiggling, jiggling, squiggling cherry Jell-O in front of his superiors.
We just don’t tend to submit the rest of the world to them through novelization. This is (probably) a good thing. Roman a clefs featuring thinly veiled portrayals of famous individuals are successful because, although fanciful, there is a basis in truth. The truth is hard to see here, though. It doesn’t sound like this book is a reincarnation parable about the timelessness of love and the existence of soulmates. It sounds more like a time-traveling novel featuring a successful, but not particularly hunky, celebrity involved with a slightly crazy dog walker with too much time to daydream on her hands. And who really wants to read about someone else’s crazy dreams? Or at least who wants to read more than a blog post about them? Not me.
So, publishing houses, please do your job–reject this story proposal and let her take it to the web where it belongs. To some fan fiction site where the Star Trek junkies and Twihards can stumble upon it, read it, pause for a moment, and calmly close the window thinking “At least that’s not me.”
The original article: http://gawker.com/5412677/a-thousand-years-of-vince-vaughn
