I’ve always had a complicated relationship with marriage.  While other little girls were braiding flower crowns and saying their high-pitched “I dos” in fake ceremonies on the playground, my stuffed animals were suing each other and my Barbies were participating in a lot of unprotected, non-monogamous risky behavior with the only Ken doll in my collection.  In fact, marriage wasn’t even on my radar.  I decided I wanted to be a lawyer when I turned three.  Although the scope of my aspirations may have changed (I no longer long to be the first woman President), my recent passing of the bar means law school has been checked off the list.

In these dreams of the future, I never considered marriage and children.  In fact, I was anti-these things for a really long time.  Not for other people, just for me.  I am too selfish, too childlike, too focused on career and school, too not interested in spending every day with the same person to be a part of any type of long-term committed relationship.  None of this comes from my parents–they remain happily married, so my attitude is definitely not part of any personal scars I have with the institution of marriage.

And for a long time, these feelings were perfectly okay because there was no need to share them with others.  Maybe some kids at the lunch table would talk about all living in the same cul-de-sac and raising their kids together, but there was no active discussion of husbands and babies.  No debate over the merits of small and large weddings.  No need to answer the age-old question: DJ or live band?  I could happily smile and change the topic to something else–perhaps third period chemistry or Dawson’s Creek.

But coupled with this quarterlife crisis comes an increased interest in marriage and children and discussing both of them among other members of my age group.  Although the majority of my friends are of the opinion that 25 is a little early to get married, you can tell they don’t feel the same about 26 or even 25 1/2.  And for the first time, babies are a serious possibility.  So, more of my time is spent discussing these topics and it has become much  harder to change the subject to something that doesn’t involve forever or expelling something from your body.

Don’t get me wrong–I’m happy to talk about these things and I am always happy for my friends who get married and have babies.  Without the real desire to do either of these things, I have no jealousy about their desire to move on with their lives and enter the adult world for real.  I will happily dance to “Celebration” and buy them tiny socks with no reservations because I am totally willing to play the role of fun wedding guest and awesome “aunt.”

But with all this wedding talk, I find myself slightly revising my personal opinion on the propriety of marriage for me.  It has nothing to do with love, though I wouldn’t marry without it.  And, to be honest, it has nothing really to do with babies either.  It has to do with the realization that if I want to continue to not pick up after myself, I need someone to do that for me.  And a husband would be awfully useful for that–he can either personally attend to it or hire someone else to complete his tasks.  With two incomes, we could afford “staff” plus the exotic vacation I plan on taking every year.  So yes, my view on marriage is changing as a result of the present economy.  Which I know is completely ridiculous and incredibly self-centered and a complete illustration of how not ready for marriage I am.

All I can say in my defense is that I am slowly but surely changing.  A year ago, I would never have even considered the possibility of merging my life so completely with someone else.  Now, I’m thinking about the tax benefits and savings of married individuals (thank you Introduction to Taxation, Spring 2009).  Perhaps next year, I’ll feel some sort of emotional void that needs to be filled.  In fact, that emptiness might already be starting to grow as that is the only reason I can give for why I am so enjoying the song embedded below.  Perhaps he’s right–I just haven’t met you– the man who will make me change my long held beliefs on any of this–yet.

****Ignore the cheesiness of the video.  Except for the marching band.  I am a sucker for emotional moments featuring marching bands (10 Things I Hate About You anyone?).



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